I wanted you to know... I love the way you laugh... I wanna hold you high... and steal your pain away...

Friday, August 06, 2004
stupid little girl (that would be describing me)

Yesterday I went over to Dennis' house and we were just talking and stuff, and sometime during the evening he mentioned Jess. And I knew he had been "in love" with her and he "would never get over her" and "when they were older they were going to end up together" Because I had gone back in his journal and read some of the entries he wrote. I know, I know, I shouldnt have done it because its his privacy and even though I am his girlfriend I still shouldn't have. But I did. And when he mentioned her I just i dunno I just asked him about her and hes like, yea I did love her and I thought she was the only one for me, but shes in my past now and you have nothing to worry about. I found the girl that I truly love and that's you. But he never told me that they had actually like dated for awhile. And he always told me like, yea I've only had one girlfriend before you and that was kayla. But then there was this other girl who he went out with too. And... he lied to me basically. I mean I don't mind that he went out with other people before, I did too. But he shouldn't have lied and said he only had one girlfriend. And then he wrote these few long entries about Jess and how he was completely in love with her and how they always like drifted apart and he forgot about her, but then whenever they started talking again his feelings always came back. I guess I'm jealous, but I'm also worried. Like I'm afraid he's going to start talking to her again, the feelings are going to come back and he's going to dump me because he's always been in love with her. And he wrote these entries this february and that's only like 6 months ago. he had been away from her since like the beginning of the school year and he still had these feelings for her.


And he didn't call today... eh he probably left before 4:30. I just really wish I could talk to him in person right now. But seeing as he's going to be gone until sunday night...

*another huge sigh*

Posted at 08:20 pm by Kirbalfo
(1) You'll be my star  

Friday, July 30, 2004
new journal

yeah... I got a new journal

blog it up

I get bored too easily... lol

Posted at 10:47 am by Kirbalfo
Wish on a falling star...  

Thursday, July 22, 2004
I think i'm beginning to get a headache

I've been looking through college stuff *whimpers* It's so scary. I have no clue where to start or what to actually look for. I have a HUGE pile of letters from colleges and I looked through those and threw half of them away. I really dont want to go somewhere far away, so that eliminates A LOT of possibilities. At first I was thinking about an arts college, but that really would limit my options if I wanted to like change majors, which I probably will. And I am ok at drawing and stuff, but I'm not that great and I don't think I would be able to get in anyway. I need to start drawing again. I will probably just end up going to york or mcdaniel or something. *sigh* not that there's anything wrong with those colleges I just. I dunno. I just want to go someplace different. But my mom's already talking about how she can get a gradute like cutback on tuition at york because she graduated from there too. Meh the problem is I just dont know. I dont even know what I want to major in really. I mean graphic design or even advertising would be cool, but I really dont see that happening for some reason. Oh thats right. Maybe its because my dad told my he would disown me if i got involved in any form of advertising. And this time, he was really being serious. 

I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed. lol

I hate how our society makes such a big deal out of getting the best education and then getting the best job and making the most money. I mean, as a society we work all the time. Everything is about making money. I just wish it were more relaxed. I mean, I would be happy to have a job that I love, even if it doesn't pay a lot. Just enough to support me and a family if I have one. I mean sure it would be nice to have a lot of money, but I don't want my life to revolve around working and making money. But there's really nothing I can do to change that way of society thinks. Maybe I should just move to Spain where they take two hours off in the afternoon and nap. That would be pretty nice. hehe  

Posted at 04:43 pm by Kirbalfo
(5) You'll be my star  

Tuesday, July 20, 2004
back from el beacho

Back from the beach. YAY! I was really looking forward to coming home hehe. It was fun, but I get really homesick. hehe. And I was missing Dennis, a lot.

Lets see

-Layed on the beach most of the days
      -Alternating sleeping and being in the ocean hehe
-Some yos tried to pick me up
-They tried to take me to their yo party
-I saw a herd of fat people running up the beach because they were scared of the water ahahhahahahahha I almost peed my pants omg ahahahhaha
-I didn't really get sunburned until yesterday... when I got it really bad lol
-I ate a lot of ice cream =)
-Walked a lot- My legs hurt just thinking about it. lol
-Played mini golf and rode go-carts ahahhaha
-I kept getting whistled and honked at by random guys...

Thats all I can think of now, maybe I'll write more later

I really wished I lived on the beach. That would be so freaking cool. There would always be something to do and somewhere to go. And the beach, is just wonderful. lol. I loved just being able to leave the hotel and walk where ever.
Yea I'm really tired and out of it for some reason... maybe its from sitting in the car for 9 hours =P

Posted at 11:28 pm by Kirbalfo
(2) You'll be my star  

Monday, July 12, 2004

I'm leaving for Myrtle Beach tomorrow morning! eee i cant wait! But i have to get up at 3:30 am. *sigh* I'll probably sleep in the car... lol

So yea this will be my last post for a week, I get back late on the 21st.

I'm going to miss everyone so much, especially Dennis <3333. He came over today and it was wonderful. =) We just hung out like we normally do. I think I'm going to take this shirt to the beach with me because it smells like him. yum. hehe.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW! I will call you all the time from the beach, love. <3

Posted at 09:27 pm by Kirbalfo
(3) You'll be my star  

Friday, July 09, 2004

I hate it when I get in these moods *sigh*

I just dont understand WHY. Everything is great now. I probably even have a job

Stupid being lonely and sad

I need some happier, or at least faster music. hmmm i think Offspring is good...

Do you accept what you are told
Without even thinking
Throw it all and make your own
And give me something

Something to believe in

Posted at 10:28 pm by Kirbalfo
Wish on a falling star...  

Monday, July 05, 2004
Into the sea, you and me

This morning I got up early and then went over to Dennis' and woke him up. =) He was so cute when he first got up and was all sleepy. hehe 

We should have each other to tea huh?
We should have each other with cream

-The Lovecats, The Cure 
          ^awesome song. =P

Posted at 10:56 pm by Kirbalfo
Wish on a falling star...  

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Today was a very, very good day. =)

This morning got up and ate breakfast and then cleaned out the garage, all morning. And not just the normal take all the crap out and put it where it goes cleaning. We actually like, took EVERYTHING out, swept, hosed down, and scrubbed the whole thing. It was crazy. But not that bad. All the spiders were kinda icky tho.

Then I got a shower and went and picked dennis up and we saw spiderman with mz, kimmy, and daren! i enjoyed it very much. hehe. But they set it up to make a third one. meh it was still good. I enjoyed seeing them all again. =) 

Dennis came back to my house and stayed until 11 or so. And it (as well as he) was wonderful. <3 He just makes me so completely happy. He just... I dont know i cant even describe it. I love him so much.

I was talking to Mz on the internet about that silly boy, and she had written in her info, And this is why Kirby is my best friend. And then she had something i had said. But just reading that, made me feel so good hehe =) We're not as close as we used to be and I miss that. BBBUUUTTTT I hope that changes =) 

I just noticed I used a lot of little smileys. Ah well I am in a smiley mood =)

Posted at 12:55 am by Kirbalfo
(2) You'll be my star  

Friday, July 02, 2004

well... maybe not the whole world

Posted at 12:36 am by Kirbalfo
Wish on a falling star...  

lalala fabbity fab fab

dude, I definitely just figured out that i could put headphones into my speakers. hahaha. it's freaking awesome and i feel pretty dumb. lol. now I can listen to music whenever. AND I have good music to listen to. hehe thanks love<3. But my then my headphones decided to break. sooo yea
hmm Tuesday I went to Gettysburg to the outlets and went shopping. that was fun. I got some cute shirts.
Wednesday Dennis came over at like 1 and stayed until 10. That was much fun. But then, anything with him is. =) We were just sitting on my roof looking at the stars and it was just really nice and peaceful.  
Today, ran errands around town. *sigh* my mother and my sister were grouchy and arguing about EVERYTHING. i mean every. little. thing. I was getting so pissed off. I just like, stopped talking to them. Then later my mom was like, why are you in a bad mood? And I just stared at her. 

But thats ok as I am filled with love for the whole world.

Posted at 12:36 am by Kirbalfo
(1) You'll be my star  

Next Page
Loneliness tugs at my heart
The times when we are apart
Your beautiful face lights my mind's eye
More intriguing than a starry night sky
The tugging ceases to exist
And you won't be missed
Because I can almost feel your breathing
On my neck as I'm quietly seething.
And it calms me and I know where I belong
I belong here, with you, as I pen this song
And a peace settles over me
Because in my mind's eye I can see
-Dennis <3


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Have you left to make me feel anymore
There's only you and everyday I need more
If you want me
Come and find me
Ill do anything you say just tell me

I'll believe
All your lies
Just pretend you love me
Make believe
Close your eyes
I'll be anything for you

Words. Words are too easy. Anyone can say things. Don't tell me anything you don't mean. Because it's all just words to me. Actions do speak louder then words but I don't need actions. I just need you to mean it.

"She sat apart, gazing at the night-day, wishing to lie down on the pavement and let the water soak her, then beat down on her, through her, work her away until all that was left was her core. She wondered what that would be."

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